Balance and Self-Forgiveness

For the past month or so I slowly fell out of my normal habits. Cleaning, eating, exercising, writing, taking vitamins and supplements, you know, all those things that keep me sane and healthy. Everything was going great so I didn’t yet notice the negative effect that not taking care of myself was having. I was ignorant of my own body and emotions. I heard my conscious make little peeps saying, “You haven’t worked out in awhile, you’ve been spending too much time watching t.v., and when was the last time you took your medicine?” But it was so easy to brush these things aside because things were going great so why couldn’t I keep up this un-healthy living things a bit longer. It is so much easier!

This past week, however, my family had a few little emergencies that changed our financial situation, not drastically, but enough to add in some stress to my life for a short time. When the stress hit, I immediately realized the effect of letting my healthy habits go. When I get stressed, instead of letting things go, I tend to focus even more on all the small things and how not perfect they are. When the stress hit I noticed how dirty my baseboards were. I noticed that little bit of flab on my belly. I realized I hadn’t written in over a month. I realized I hadn’t taken the supplements that even out my mood. I started noticing all the things in my life that weren’t exactly how I wanted them and I became overwhelmed. The burden of perfection and being so far away from it weighing heavily.

I took a Sunday to deep clean my house (it served double duty as a workout too). I started taking my supplements again. I spent a few hours writing and got lost in a good book. I re-centered and hoped I wouldn’t let myself get of course again.

I know I will never be perfect and in fact I am fabulous at forgiving myself for all those imperfections I have. “Sure! Have that soda, skip that workout, save vacuuming for tommorrow, it’s ok!” I am actually great at telling myself these things. All women need to be able to forgive themselves for having fun and allowing some things to slide. My issue, that I’m sure many other women deal with, is the lack of discipline that allow those imperfections to snowball and then having to deal with the emotions that come with having to start from zero again. I either am keeping everything at such a high level I am stressed from juggling all the balls of life (hehehe) or I allow everything to drop and have to start over. I seek balance. 

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