How to Not be an Annoying, Fucking Intern

I am a teacher at a private school. Our model is much different than public school so we hire certified teachers as interns so that they can learn our model and the administration can see if they would be successful as a teacher at our school before they have the responsibility of having their own classroom. We started this program last year and I have had a few interns in my classroom. One of them I loved and is now a great teacher at our school. One was a crazy person who said they would give a student a tracheotomy with a pencil. For obvious reasons, she no longer works at our school. We currently have an intern and she is really fucking annoying. I have come up with the below list to help interns of any kind make sure their internship is successful and to help them prevent becoming an annoying, fucking intern.

1. You are an intern. Interns are generally hired to learn because they do not yet have the skill set to get a real job. Because you are an intern and are not yet a real employee, you should do as The Rock says;       

No one yet cares about your opinions. Do not argue with the person training you. They know more than you do and even if they don’t, they probably have the power to determine your fate at the company so shut up you stupid asshole.

2. Understand personal boundaries and prove you have manners. It would be wise to ask permission before just taking things off of other people’s desk. Manners were invited quite a while ago, probably like 100 years ago or something, but in case you missed the lecture on not touching other people’s shit, here is a public service announcement to help illustrate the point.

http://www.collegehumor.com/video/6415066/dont-touch-my-shit-with-leighton-meester

3. Try not to be so horribly awkward with your body movements. If you move like a weird dinosaur with joint problems and fling your head, neck, and limbs around like you don’t have bones, people will not want to work with you. In you are unsure of how to properly move your body, you should enroll in a Victorian etiquette class and practice walking with a book on your head or maybe watch some more Honey Boo Boo because those pageant girls sure are graceful. 

4. Know what career you have entered and discuss your life accordingly. For example, if you have decided to become a teacher, a job where your duties involve the safety and growth of children, it is unwise to share stories about how you leave your own child in the car for hours while grocery shopping and use Benadryl quite frequently to sedate your child who won’t stop wanting to play with you. Oh, it’s also not as hilarious as you think it is that your child has gotten kicked out of 5 preschools. Understand the skills required for your chosen career and try not to discuss how horrible you are at demonstrating those skills.

5. Take an IQ test and understand how smart you are. After the test, you will know if you are an idiot or not. If you are an idiot, it’s ok, idiots can be successful too. You just need to work really hard, understanding that most people are smarter than you, and trust those much smarter people to guide you. If you are not an idiot, congratulations!! You will probably go far in your chosen career path and will be chosen to help guide many stupid idiots. Way to go you!

 

Those are the top five things you should do if you do not want to be a annoying, fucking intern.

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